There have been times that my journey through the dreamscape has left me wondering if I’m really going just going mad. Tonight I sat at the edge of the bed before laying down thinking about nothing, a momentary pause, as I tried to put my own mind at ease. What bothered me is was the question I asked several years ago: “What is going to happen to me when my memory fails?” Saddened by this thought, I put on my lounge pants and slide under the covers.
I’ve already gone through Cancer treatment for my prostate and lymph nodes in my hip area. I pretty much have to wait a few months to get the all-clear. Tonight my legs felt on fire again, an unusual feeling of tension and release that began during my treatments. I’m still on hormones for the next year-and-a-half to reduce my testosterone which cause me to experience hot flashes. Man-O-Pause.
My memory is bothering me again, not only because the dreams have retreated to the background but slowly and surely I started to sync up with the times I would wake up while having these dream and recall sessions, now just nothing. This morning was much of the same: Wake up near 1:00am - Nothing. Wake up close to 3:30am - again no dream recall. I get a quick flash image before I wake up at 4:52 and check my watch. It takes me only a minute or two to fall back to sleep, but the image is of a blond male child wearing an orange spacesuit, he is standing on a rocky, desolate planet. His helmet is off revealing a shock of platinum hair, styled in a bowl-cut…He’s looking up at me.
Tricky. It had to be him. This morning I looked up the orange spacesuit and the official designation is ACES (Advanced Crew Escape Suit) used by the space shuttle crew for ascent and entry (visible against any kind of landscape, especially in the sea.) Had he been traversing my mind again, bored with memories of the Bronx? It seems he’s landed in uncharted territory - ready to explore again…
July 13th I was reminded of the “Vacation” and it became a notable day when the former President became the target for a round of bullets. Since then - only random flashes of dreams that I couldn’t pin down. Was I loosing my recall? Internally panic was setting in until tonight, I resigned myself to allow whatever cruel fate has in store for me to happen, while I have little sanity left.
I dreamed.
4:52 I checked my watch for the last time, knowing I would just get up around 5:00am-5:15 to choke down my Cancer pills.
A group of us are corralled in a viewing area or we’re barricaded on the street. We watch the events unfold, a Wolf-pack of teenaged to twenty-year-old males is causing trouble - they are headed down the opposite side of the street. “Look - there they are!” I let the others know since the group had blended into the crowds. One boy had a tire-iron in his hand - this was not good. The group of us were getting afraid, terrified that this mob of six young men would find us easy prey. We watched as they crossed the street in our direction - their destination was not us, but the store we were backed up to. Once inside the men began terrorizing people, breaking things and attacking a poor blonde woman who looked to be in her 60’s, she got the worst of it - stabbed in the eye with the tire iron for screaming. The whole episode was unsettling.
Then there was a shift.
We were observing the whole thing in a theater, this was a normal night out for us, me and my two companions - an older version of Tricky probably in his late twenties and a blonde woman with long legs - a Britney Spears clone dressed in the school-girl outfit. Walking as a trio I stumbled and pushed Tricky and BS causing BS to lose balance on her Chonky heels. I couldn’t tell if we were tipsy or sharing an laugh. Apologizing that I forced them toward the entryway, I look down at the velvet rope, it was made of wood. I said “These things are so obstructive” Tricky agreed, both of us having another laugh and we all stepped out into the night. Outside, the night was clear, stars visible even in the bright lights from the front of the theater. Taking a deep breath I spot a small cluster of stars I’ve seen before and in a voice reminiscent of JFK exclaim “We will not colonize the Stars, The STARS will colonize us…”
I wake up and only seven minutes has passed since falling back to sleep at 4:57am.
