All Things...

    After the red-eye flight back home to Charlotte on Sunday, my sleep patterns were disrupted. September had come in with the New Moon and brought with it plenty of dreams - I was ready days earlier to hang it all up. My public diary, while fun to post isn't the best way for me to deal with my prolific dreaming. 

***

    I've been on this trip for several years and still don't have an answer to what's really going on inside my head - maybe that's for the best. All I can hope for is restful sleep. The one thing I am grateful of is the journey, unlocking that distant need from childhood to become a writer, though I'm still far from getting there. Stubbornness will be my downfall as well as my quitter mentality - these two qualities clash constantly, creating a unique perspective, and is the cause of the fear-based life I live. 

    There is a whole world out there - and if you allow it, exploration is just one decision away. There is a whole world inside of each of us as well... If you push past the fear and accept yourself - then another world will open up - 

for you to explore.

Compliance

    

    The worst nightmare is the one where you find yourself at work. Dream-world employment is slightly different than your real job. This morning I interacted with several coworkers from my actual job. 

    The story begins inside the mall again - I come inside after getting caught in a rain shower. Soaking wet, I head up to my office, removing my work shirt and lanyard that has my access card. Big mistake. I realize that I’m slim again, this isn’t enough to snap me out of the dream. After a minute or two marveling at my teenaged torso, I step out of the office for some reason. The door slams shut. My access card is on the table. Crap. Now the only thing to do is find the security desk and plead my case. This isn’t the first time. The problem with finding security is that I’m in the MC Escher mall. Confusion isn’t the only problem, now it’s time to go on a quest. Just like the iconic painting and the halls of “Hogwarts”, no one direction is actually going where it seems. I find myself heading down an escalator, I see a section of a hotel that has slot machines (I’m in Las Vegas till tonight) deciding that I need a diversion - I head that way. Unfortunately for me, none of the stairs and escalators connect to that level. Trying a different route, I figure there must be another way. Now the scene changes - I’ve made it to a financial center in the mall. Flustered by my inability to get some gambling in, I figured taking the elevator to another level would get me closer. The “financial” center had gold striping over a brown wall - the elevator door was golden. I step into a tight, one person elevator. My perspective warps. The elevator is now a golden pill, wrapped tightly around my body. Claustrophobia sets in - I feel like I’m in a document chute. I can see the different floors fly by, the casino floor comes into view and I hit stop. Just missing by one floor I try to jog the elevator up one flight by pressing the directional buttons.

***

    This exercise only brings me back where I began. I’m at the entrance to the mall looking at the miserable rainy day outside the windows. Discouraged, wasting so much time, now it was back to work. My only hope was finding one of my coworkers making a mail run. I head up the escalators again and see one of my workers on the level above, walking in the opposite direction. The noise of the mall meant I couldn’t really call out for him to meet me at my office. I just wave at him and he disappears around a corner. I reach the top level and here comes another coworker Mrs. V. I ask her if she could let me in the room because the mailroom employees had universal access. She walks with me over to my area, swipes me into the room. My uniform shirt is dry already, I check my slim chest one last time, and hang my lanyard around my neck. Walking to the back area of my office, I enter a gray door that opens out to a warehouse. A manager is talking to the team about the audit and how we could tidy up the space so we would be in compliance. The manager is familiar, starts off looking like one actor and then Brian Dennehy. I walk up to the conversation and pull another coworker to the side, he seemed confused. I explain to him that the audit is just a knowledge check, nothing to worry about. I walk him down one of the warehouse aisles and point to an item and ask him what it is. He responded correctly. I ask him where I can find the item HB - 5/6 he walks over to the right bin and pulls out a box. Satisfied that he understood the concept, I turn around and face the manager who walked up behind me. “What are you doing?” “I was just showing K how easy the audit is - I’m glad I did - I wouldn’t have known where to find a HB - 5/6.” BD barks at me - “Well you better learn everything in this warehouse!” I look dead at him and reply “I couldn’t possibly memorize everything, there has to be one million items in here - and that’s just from one glance!” 

***

    Diverting my attention to the tops of the aisles I see they hadn’t addressed the issue of storage. Random boxes were piled too high, touching the top of the concrete ceiling. Pointing this out to the manager I said “Can we get the crew to do something about the boxes up there?” BD gathers a few of the younger guys to hop up on ladders to remove the offending stock. This was completed quickly. Next I climbed up and asked about the cardboard patch meant to stop a leak in the roof. “As long as the engineers were the ones who put it there, we can’t be blamed for it” BD shouts up to me. I make a mental note to create a ticket for engineering to fix the problem. My next target is across the warehouse on the far wall, I can see machine parts - again stacked too high. Climbing back down I pull BD with me over to the other wall rack and tell him not to worry, that I would take care of this mess. “I’ll make sure this place is compliant, OSHA compliant.” 

***

    I wake up from this long dream. Try as I might, it was fading from memory quickly. Bits and pieces are floating around, I snatch a couple of images and slowly build the dream back up. The warehouse is fictional - images pulled from walking the aisles at Home Depot. My job is inside a building, no mall attached. It was funny that I wanted to get to the slot machines to have another crack at them. I felt the raindrops and the soaked shirt. Just another dream to make sure I’m -

COMPLIANT.

Fade to …..

The Author - Selfie on the West Rim

The past two nights have quieted down. After a flurry of activity on vacation - I feel a little more at ease. Thursday morning only a short anxiety dream that dealt with looking for my car keys - that theme working its way back in. We set off on a two hour ride to the Grand Canyon from Las Vegas. The canyon had always been on my list of places to visit. We spent nearly four hours there, with three stops - the last was the best getting some humongous fry bread tacos in the small western town set up at Hualapai Point.

    I was sure that my fear of heights would manifest in a nightmare this morning - nothing. The vaguest of dreams leaked through,  I was looking across the street at another building from the one that I was in. In my old neighborhood, we could see what people were doing inside their apartments. That’s what this felt like. A female voice next to me said “We can see what the other people are doing” I nodded agreement. The feeling was like someone probing my memories, maybe from childhood when I looked out the window for entertainment. The voice sounded like an innocent child, in need of stimulation but lacking any experiential knowledge of our reality. I could go on and on with strange theories about what might have transpired, but I’ll leave it alone.

I did try to make friends with the local Ravens at Eagle point, in hopes that one would gift me a feather. They were too concerned with getting handouts, my niece supplied them several times. I left without a feather. 

Ravens having a rest. Photo: Author

Blind Trucker

 

Photo Credit:Author - Rio Hotel LV

Waking up in the middle of the morning is normal for me. 

    At 2:37 (via Apple health app) I woke up, not having had any substantial dreams yet. This didn’t bother me. Mostly I use the interruption to see if anything came through. Falling back to sleep fourteen minutes later just before three, all was good. Something decided to crawl across my face a half hour later. Swiping my face, I figured it was gone. Ten seconds later, little feet are crawling across my forehead. Another pass with my hand and hopefully smashed so I can rest again. 3:30am is when I fell asleep, not waking up until the five minute action-adventure woke me up at 6:19.

    

    Too bad the last dream was the one I came back with. According to the app - I spent 41 minutes in REM, never waking up.

***

    I’m dropped into the action. A long-haired trucker is pushing his rig top-speed along the busy urban highway, just under a tunnel. The guy is older, gray hair is loose and down to his shoulders. My perspective is the dashboard. Two other passengers are in the rig, one next to the driver and one sitting in back. These men commissioned the driver to haul their dangerous cargo - alligators, and were along for the ride. In the tunnel the day transitioned into nighttime, I felt the tension of escape - we or rather they were trying to keep ahead of some danger. Our driver is blind - a cloth is wrapped around his eyes like the statue of Justice. Realizing that his eyes are covered sends me into a panic. How is he driving? It becomes apparent to me that I am his second-sight. He’s using my ability to see everywhere at once to make his runs. Smart man. A car becomes apparent to me, driving just behind us and closing fast. I can see the silhouette of a man (INSERT JOKE) holding a square shaped machine gun, getting in position to fire rounds into us. The driver, getting the feedback from what I saw, commands the passengers to buckle up and get low. He’s driving the truck from the left-hand side - indicating Europe or similar countries. The rig - loaded and heavy, groans as the driver shifts several times for max speed.

    The next sequence is reminiscent of a John Woo movie. The assassins begin firing from behind and coming up the left side at full speed. They manage to blow out the windows spraying glass inside the cab. What I didn’t realize was the configuration of the semi was all wrong. The tank holding the alligators was underneath the elevated cab. The driver opens up a hatch under his feet to check on the precious cargo - he sees as well as I do that the gators are fine, but getting restless. Another volley of shots catch the passengers, shredding them to bits. Needing to extend my psychic reach in order to end the chase, I enter the car chasing us. Depressing the pedal and turning the wheel, I careen the vehicle into a chain-reaction accident. The car slides in front of the semi-semi, getting crushed by the weight of the metal gator tank underneath. Chase now over, the driver brakes the truck and assesses the carnage inside. Not much was left of the passengers. He opens the hatch and begins sweeping the remains down to the hungry cargo below. I’m surprised that the driver is so non-plussed by his actions. I’m watching the man clean up the horrible mess inside the cab, and suddenly I’m seated at a desk with a green vinyl folder in front of me, with my name written in black marker. Blood and pieces of flesh are still being cleaned up by the driver. The man begins to fade as well as the mess in front of me. This episode is over, I feel like a writer who was so engrossed in a scene that it had taken over my senses…

I wake up.

    The dream recedes quickly. I’m about to check the time and hit with the feeling that I was just dreaming. Nothing. I couldn’t come up with anything from less than a few seconds ago. A quick memory comes through - the car with the assailants crashing under the semi - a severed head flies out, bloody and stripped of skin. I see the man cleaning off my desk and fading in front of me. I begin building the dream back up to write down at breakfast. ~End ~

The Task

 

My niece walking the meditation path.
New Song Church, Henderson,NV

    Not to be outdone, every now and then a set of mundane tasks is presented for me to accomplish while in a dream. The New Moon hasn’t been without effect. Four days in a row now, I’ve been dropped into a dream. This one was shorter - but held some type of purpose.

    I find myself on the opposite side of two desks pushed together to form a workstation. Piles of unopened letters, stacked and in bins are on the far desk. A coworker that resembles Christopher Lloyd is slashing them with a letter opener and handing me the papers inside. My job was to organize, count, and scan the papers into the system. Multiple times before, the act of counting and organization is a ritual behavior for me during dreams. The simple act has no purpose or meaning. I often think of ways this activity served any use. The pace is slow, we’re not making any progress, not that it would matter. I become distracted from my scanning and get out of sync. The process was to record who the letter was from, scan, and then place in another box or bin. Gaining awareness of working this task takes my mind off the job. I’m in the here and now. Panic begins to set in, I lose track of the count. I ask my coworker to stop ripping the envelopes, I need to check the previous ten. His trash bin is too much for me to go through. 

Failing this task I begin to wake up.

    Most of the morning I felt like I hadn’t dreamed, waking up twice previously with no recollection. Actually after falling asleep I had one dream - without any recall. It was around 5:30 this morning waking up from the task and I decided since I’m on vacation I was due for another round of sleep. Flash dreams begin. Seconds after closing my eyes I’m hit with all kinds of imagery, a woman’s face, some random locations, and then I’m counting again - boxes of hi-lighter markers in different colors. Try as I might, sleep isn’t happening, at least for five minutes. Checking my sleep app, I did fall back to sleep despite the barrage of images invading my head from the ether.

    Yesterday my sister, who is the associate pastor of the New Song Lutheran Church in Henderson NV - wanted to show off her church. My niece was excited to give us a “tour” of the grounds - even though it was a paved path to three large “Calvary Crosses” erected at the edge of the hill. To our right Las Vegas proper could be seen in the valley below. The tour ended and my niece wanted us to see the meditation path, a spiral of stones that my sister said parishioners come out to walk in meditation. I started walking, reminded of my dreams of spirals representing time.

    Earlier at my sister’s apartment we were having conversation and somehow dreams came up without prompting from me. My niece chimed in that her mom has terrible nightmares - even to the point of fighting unseen forces in front of her. My sister described to the T the entities that I had seen, little dark beings that were attacking her. My niece described the white room she was in, circular and turned into a spiral - I told them that I had experienced both these things.

    These synchronicities, were too close to ignore. We got things out in the open. I expressed my theory to my sister that our mother suffered from nightmares and proved that she never spoke of dreaming - neither her or my brother could recall her mentioning them. This nightmarish world is like a family curse - and now stretches to a new generation. My own daughter suffers terrible dreams, as does my son.

    I know that my quest is only beginning, taking tremendous amounts of detective work and energy to solve, if not for me - for my family.

Walking the Spiral with my niece.

A Fork in the Road

Desert Road (Without Permission)

 Las Vegas at last! We went to visit my brother last night, having a late dinner at Denny’s - he reminded us we could have the 55+ items on the menu. Score one for my big bro! Dropped him home and back to our Airbnb.

    Jet lag and all, we stayed up till 10:30 to try and adjust. I was exhausted. Strange bed and sleep wasn’t coming easy. When I managed to get comfortable, I would pop up awake. Maybe it was anxiety that was keeping me from sleeping. Random images were flashing through my head, nothing concrete that I could hold on to. The dream engine was raring to go. 

I entered a dream about being here.

Subconsciously, I picked up on the homeless situation here - my brother had mentioned the concrete river bed where they reside. He went on to say that Las Vegas was prone to flooding because of the Caliche being hydrophobic and the water has no where to go. The authorities have to evict the homeless when there is a chance of flooding. This is the second location based dream I’ve had this year.

    We were inside the Airbnb, I decide to stretch my legs outside and overhear trouble coming from the homeless encampment behind the fence. Women and men are screaming bloody murder. My only fear was that the action would spill beyond the fence. I hear objects crashing, belongings being used as projectiles. It’s early morning and most of the camp isn’t awake, this is a battle between hostile neighbors. Soon it seems the whole camp has erupted into insanity. I’m watching from a safe distance - a missing plank in the fence gives me a voyeuristic view. Two men are grappling and make the mistake of falling into a tent. The occupant had been asleep. A roar erupts from the shredded canopy. Both bodies fly off - tossed like babies (not dwarfs) out emerges a giant of a muscular specimen. He was buck-naked. This African American man must have been the camp leader, if not, maybe an enforcer. The action becomes too much for me, I didn’t want to become involved. I back off and enter our temporary place to tell my wife what was going on outside.

    Later, things died down. Feeling safe to go out again - I plan a solo trek into the mountains. Walking in a canyon, I follow the trailhead - enjoying the exercise and scenery. After some time I come across a set of three divergent paths carved out of the dirt. Confused - my choices were to head further up a mountain, straight across the easy path or journey downward into the valley below. Making up my mind, I head upward. Not nearly the obvious choice, the climb is getting harder, steep and dangerous. I’m hit with slight vertigo and my fear of heights kick in. The steep path narrowed. My mind is in a panic, this is too much. A realization comes to me. Another voice, probably my own or subconsciously I hear the words “The path not taken.” Not remembering where I hear the similar phrase, brings me out of the dream. 

    I had to look it up just now while writing - Robert Frost “The Road Not Taken” from English literature in Catholic school…

    A shorter dream begins after I fall back to sleep. I was walking with a woman dressed in beautiful silk robes, the styles worn in Japan. She was in-fact Japanese, a slight woman barely 5’4” and inch or more added by the traditional sandals or “Geta”, her pale skin meant she avoided the direct sunlight. The day was overcast as we traveled over a stone path. She didn’t have a parasol, and we traveled silently. I felt like a chaperone or advisor - someone in charge of keeping the Princess safe. Our pace was measured as if trying not to expend much energy. She begins to point out her favorite things to see outside, the trees, flowers, and birds… her foot catches a loose stone on the path. My hands clasped behind my back, looking up where she last pointed - I was too late to catch her. Although her weight was maybe seventy-five pounds, she crashed forward painfully hard. I bent down to the Princess lifting her scratched and bleeding forehead and cheek, I was forbidden to look for other injuries. In a faint, or knocked clean out, the Princess didn’t respond to my pleas to wake up. My fate is sealed - her wellbeing was my responsibility. Death would come for me after public admonishment by the Emperor. I pick the stricken Princess up and run back along the path, hoping to save her life and toward the end of mine.

I wake up.

    The new moon is teaching me things, just like the full one. I was becoming dependent on the brighter phases for guidance on this dream journey. I have no connection to Japan - my DNA has no Asian in it. I’m not a “Japanophile” unless you count Godzilla movies. Something about the ancient world of Japan keeps coming through at times. My subconscious mind keeps feeding me things from that far off land.

Oykasuminasai

Good Night

Speed Run / Lost Car (Again)

Tenement Building (Without Permission)

A curious shift is occurring. Tomorrow will be the new moon; my dreams have been ruled by the full moon. This morning, I was woken up by a new puzzle to solve.

    Perspective is one thing that I've spoken about in the past three years, perspective changes the direction you are seeing from. In the dream the location was again familiar - The Bronx - but not from the locations that dominated my daily life. I was in the neighborhood directly across the street from my own - if that makes sense. At the far end of the William McKinley Houses, closer to the neighborhood supermarket.

    The first part of the dream was confusing. I finally made it into the library at my elementary school, but I wasn't there to study. This accomplishment was necessary for me because any library had been blocked from me entering. I traveled down several city blocks at dizzying speed towards the WMH and met up with several people. A WWII plane is flying overhead and we're spectating. The airplane dips, tries to pull up, and slams flat against the fourteen-story building that was the last address my dad had in the mainland. The chromed airplane is embedded in the bricks. Panic sets in from the PTSD I have from 9-11 when I hear the buildings begin to rumble (This was the same sound I heard when the second tower fell) everyone scatters. I take off running like a bullet - this is too much for me. Heading South-East I burst in through the doors at the Public Library. This was one of my safe zones when I began reading about UFO's. Now far away from the danger I realized where I was. 

The library, at last. 

    I woke up from the dream at exactly 3:01am. Sitting up from the nightmare, I held on to it - rather the image of the chrome airplane embedded in the building made for a nightmarish memory, just enough for me to hold onto the rest of the dream. Another dream memory crept in. Before getting to the school library, I was riding the subway again. The feeling of being chased and escaping from some dangerous force brought me back in. Several people were escaping with me, the train was sitting at the platform with doors open. We were in and out of each car, hoping to pull off the trick they use in movies, ending up on the opposite side of the danger when the doors closed. The Phantom caught up to us. Time to fight. I was pushed out of the train and the rest of my crew battled the threat inside the train.

    Falling back into a tumble, I tried desperately to join the fray. I see bodies fly out of the train just before the doors close. I'm up now and the train slowly pulls out of the station. Watching the train for any sign of the villain he pops out between cars nearly grabbing me! He's dressed similar to Darth Vader - cape, leather body armor and gloves. The difference is his mask - a silver face shield. His attire a mash-up of the original Cobra Commander and Vader means this dream villain has quit hiding in the shadows. 

My own version of death maybe?

    I fall back asleep after going over all of these details. Now I'm wakened by a thumping outside. Unusual for me to hear anything through my earplugs, luckily the left one wasn't seated properly. Thump...thump...thump. Must be the racoon trying to get the trash bin open. I wait until he's discouraged and leaves. For the next hour I'm in and out of sleep finally falling out at 5:14am (I check my sleep app for accuracy) - a new dream starts at 6:02am.

    Recently we purchased a new car, a nice Toyota Rav-4. Since we bought the car, I've lost it twice in dreams. This is the second time.

    I'm panicking again. Parking in NYC is a hit-or-miss proposition, we've had our car stolen once in Manhattan - it was an old beater. Dealing with opposite side of the street parking regulations is the bane of any New Yorker's existence. This is a recurrence - unresolved because the first time I didn't find the car. Same situation, I park in a spot and have to move it in the morning. Wake up late...AGAIN! The car is gone. Must have been towed - I need to find the number of the tow company. I'm running around like a maniac with the key fob in my hand, searching for my missing car. Like the last time - I am convinced that my memory is going bad and I've just forgotten which street I parked on. I press the fob going up and down familiar streets hoping to hear the "Chirp" of the door lock. Several streets later I hear the response. I'm in the neighborhood that I saw my younger self and notice that the car responding to my fob isn't mine. A beautiful white 69 Corvette Stingray sits out front of a familiar building (From my Rosario Dawson dream) - the color white is a recurring theme of mine.

    A garbage truck is on the opposite side of the street, the garbage hauler looks at the car and kicks trash on the side of it as I walk up. "I saw what you did!" I yelled at the hauler; he scowls back at me. Out of the building coming down the steps is a man and his daughter, she has to be at least seven, long blonde hair. He's a doctor - or presenting as one, wearing a white coat. I explain to him what happened with the trash on the car, and that my fob works for his car - I show him. "That's strange - never seen that before" he tells me. Trying his own fob - it doesn't work. I recognize the man now - he looks like the actor Walton Goggins. I tell him "Don't worry, if the fob doesn't work - just go old-school and use the key!" 

I wake up. Nearly 6:30am

Sitting on the side of the bed my own words echo in my head "Use the Key." My advice recalls another dream when I hit the jackpot at the door in a Victorian mansion when thousands of keys spilled out of the lock onto the floor in front of me. 

I have the key. Time to use it?